I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
