just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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