Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
