explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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