where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize