I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
