So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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