Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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