Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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