I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dicks are not precious.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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