If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
no, he came in my armpit
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
