Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
