If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
