So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
