Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
