I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
