i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
