He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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