She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
