I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
