Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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