oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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