Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
