goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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