You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
