Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
