The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
