So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
