I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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