speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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