Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
