"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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