I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
