I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
