TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
