I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
