i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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