We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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