grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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