so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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