He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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