He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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