I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
