I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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