I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize