fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
