he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
