just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
