I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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