This girl is more easily done than said...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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