he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
