It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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