So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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