Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
