oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
