she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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