Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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