So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
