Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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