OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
