Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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