Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
