i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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