i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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